I went to counseling this morning. Yes. I-went-to-counseling-this-morning.
For a while we have struggled with the behavior of one of our children and it has been such a constant struggle that I am simply empty. Being so empty has left me ready to snap like a dry twig in a hurricane. And I have... snapped. Then I have super glued it back together only to snap again under pressure. I have prayed and searched and prayed and searched and what I needed was not coming. Yes. I prayed. And I still was left wanting... needing... searching.
We found a counselor who can see me/us and our daughter separately. And already I feel hope. Already I know that God has led us here and has plans to reveal things to us through this precious woman of God who is stepping into our ugly with experience and light.
This morning I was telling her that I have an overall guilt that I made mistakes in the past that have contributed to our daughters behavior and lack of attachment/connection. This guilt of things I think I may have done wrong leave me in a tangled mess and anxiety of how to do things now. Is she being manipulative or is there a real need? Is she trying to control or is there a real need? Does she understand what I am saying or not? Do I extend grace to her now or let the consequence come? Did she forget? Do I give her grace for another chance or do I let the consequence come? Does she need more time alone or more time one on one? This process alone leaves me frazzled.
And she said to me words that I understand but that are hard to live. "Lay it down." The guilt I feel is from the enemy who wants to not only bind me up in all that should have/could have/then she would have
"Lay it down." How do I lay it down? Sometimes it moves me to tears. What does it really look like to lay it down... the guilt of things that may or may not be contributing factors to what we are dealing with today. How do I really let it go and tell the enemy to leave with his lies and attack me no more?
Well, accepting the truth of where the guilt comes from... the enemy and father of lies... is step one. Realizing that I have authority over him as a child of God is step two. Believing I am free in Christ is three and rebuking him is four.
It's funny sometimes how God can "show" us something so suddenly. Instead of laying it down... the Lord has given me an idea. I am going to let it fly... fly away. I am going to get a helium balloon and I am going to write down the lies that the enemy has told me of my time with her right after we adopted her and I am going to let it go... to fly away. And I am going to carry it no more. And when the enemy tries to write it on my heart again, I am going to not so kindly remind him that it has been written and flown away... to wound me no more.
I am so happy we have found this counselor. I am humbled how God can use others to speak His love and truth to us in such a tangible way. I look forward to what else we discover together.
Do you have something to lay down or let fly!? I encourage you to embrace it and let it go... today!
Much, much love... Dawn
POST EDIT~~~ I just wrote down the lies I have entertained on a silver balloon. I went outside and let it go. The wind quickly caught it and it started spinning in circles as it floated away. Laughter was given to me as I watched it dance away and I was left with joy. I PRAISE the LORD for taking it from me. And I am so thankful for your sweet comments. This morning, when the counselor watched me process "laying it down"... she said to me, "This scripture just came to my mind for you... Therefore there is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus..." It was Romans 8. To see it here again tonight is such a sweet confirmation from the Father and I will embrace it. THANK YOU for your love and encouragement!
Dawn: This is a bit lengthy, but when I read your post, I just had to share with you what I had read only this morning in The Message. Be blessed and know your family is in my prayers.
ReplyDelete"With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ's being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death.
God went for the jugular when he sent his own Son. He didn't deal with the problem as something remote and unimportant. In his Son, Jesus, he personally took on the human condition, entered the disordered mess of struggling humanity in order to set it right once and for all. The law code, weakened as it always was by fractured human nature, could never have done that.
The law always ended up being used as a Band-Aid on sin instead of a deep healing of it. And now what the law code asked for but we couldn't deliver is accomplished as we, instead of redoubling our own efforts, simply embrace what the Spirit is doing in us.
Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust God's action in them find that God's Spirit is in them—living and breathing God! Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on God. Anyone completely absorbed in self ignores God, ends up thinking more about self than God. That person ignores who God is and what he is doing. And God isn't pleased at being ignored.
But if God himself has taken up residence in your life, you can hardly be thinking more of yourself than of him. Anyone, of course, who has not welcomed this invisible but clearly present God, the Spirit of Christ, won't know what we're talking about. But for you who welcome him, in whom he dwells—even though you still experience all the limitations of sin—you yourself experience life on God's terms. It stands to reason, doesn't it, that if the alive-and-present God who raised Jesus from the dead moves into your life, he'll do the same thing in you that he did in Jesus, bringing you alive to himself? When God lives and breathes in you (and he does, as surely as he did in Jesus), you are delivered from that dead life. With his Spirit living in you, your body will be as alive as Christ's!
Don't you see that we don't owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent. There's nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God's Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go!" (Rom:8:1-14, The Message)
Both of you....my dearest sisters in Christ...are a blessing!!!
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing more inspiring than raw truth. Thank you for sharing this amazing message. There is a LOT of importance in the physical act that we take to release an emotional response. When I actually pray on my knees, it feels deeper. When I raise my hand to the Lord when I am singing on praise and worship, I feel the song. Another example of the physical act happened to me many, many years ago. My son was the product of a divorce at an early age. I started noticing a lot of acting up and acting out when he would return from his weekend with his dad. It wasn't for any particular reason other than he wasn't happy with the whole thing. I started making him go into the bathroom on Sunday nights and rip up tissue paper to "flush his attitude" down the toilet. Believe it or not, he would start laughing at about the 5th tissue and we would sit there and flush, flush flush until he felt it was all gone. It turned in to such a funny event that the bad attitudes just disappeared. So go ahead and get that balloon and LET IT GO. Best of luck to you Dawn!
ReplyDeleteI did a similar thing with writing down things (in October) and nailing them to the cross....literally. Later, the pieces of paper were burned to ashes. Very liberating! Praise God for letting us lay down the enemy's lies and let them fly.
ReplyDeleteI need a balloon now! :)
ReplyDeleteAnd I did the same several years ago when I wrote down the lies I had been believing, put them in a box, and buried them. Christ rose to keep those things buried! Dawn, I haven't met you yet, but I already love you!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful!!!!!!! Years ago I let go all those lies into a beautiful bon fire! I do believe it is time for me to do this again and Let Go! Thank you for sharing and encouraging me!!!GBU
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